Observations from the Weekend that Wasn't

• I call it my, "I would not purchase your product if it was the last option on earth," plan.
• This week’s winner of the "He’s Absolutely Terrible" Award: Patrick Ramsey.
• Asking Shawn Alexander to pick up a yard on 3rd-and-1 is like asking a hydrophobiac to dive into an Olympic-size swimming pool.
• Does anyone really believe that Marty Schottenheimer can do in lethargic, penny-pinching San Diego what he never could in the prime of his coaching years for organizations dedicated to winning, aka Cleveland, Kansas City, and Washington?
• Fox Halftime Report Proposed Slogan: Nobody has more fun providing less information.
• In case you missed Monday night’s Vikings-Eagles game, Terrell Owens dropped a touchdown pass that hit him in the hands. The referee blew the call, and thus, it counted as a touchdown. Owens subsequently danced one of his new dances, dunked the ball over the goal post, hung on the goal post for half a second, and then returned to the sidelines to bare his mouthpiece, which now has an Eagles insignia, at the camera for about 10 seconds, all in a stunning celebration of his bottomless talent. It’s difficult to fathom what festivities would have ensued had he actually caught the ball.
• I vote for having some of the more intensely rambunctious FOX commentators "Miked Up" for the game. Oh wait, that’s what we listen to for three hours.
• Despite reports to the contrary, I find it hard to believe that Parcells understudy Tom Coughlin, who presided over a successful Jacksonville franchise for eight seasons in relative obscurity, has flown off the handle and morphed Giants practices into a de facto military brigade. The Giants certainly don’t play like a disciplined regiment.
• Early candidates for next week’s "He’s Absolutely Terrible" award: Joey Harrington and Kyle Boller.
• They should use the replay monitor to review the psychiatric evaluations of referees who instinctively reach for their flags on game-deciding plays.

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