I slipped in the shower this morning, cracked my head, and I had a vision. And I saw….The Flux Capacitor, which makes time travel possible, Marty! And I thought to myself, for just a second, that maybe I should travel back in time, and you know, unf**k our two Super Bowl losses. So that I, you, me, we, could finally have the championship regalia we deserve.
But then, I thought to myself, I always have that idea. And who the hell is Marty? And why is his non-contributing ass in my thread anyway? So what to do? You want a story?
Okay, here is story for you, it starts with blood and steel.
It is fueled by vengeance, destruction, and manifestations of absolute, unadulterated, and unrivaled....PAIN.
And dick and fart jokes. For example, I am convinced that in the made for tv movie, I mean NETFLIX movie, that Adam Sandler will play Kyle Shanahan: SUPER BOWL WINNING HEAD COACH OF YOUR SAN FRANCISCO--by way of Santa Clara--49ERS:
WILL DO, ADAM. MORE CONAN! PLAY THAT s**t!
Dear friend, do you know the love I have for this team? Before I loved anything else--well that's not true, there was my adolescent attraction to Carrie Fisher;
Yowzers! I did not understand it, but there was something there--I loved the damn 49ers. AND WE WON! AND WHEN THEY WALKED INTO AN ARENA, THEY PLAYED CONAN AND THEY PLAYED AKIRO's PROLOGUE.
Between the time when the Steelers of Pittsburgh and Cowboys of Dallas drank from the sweet nectar of glory, and the rise of the one they call Brady,
there was an age undreamed of. And onto this, the 49ers rose ,destined to wear the jeweled crown of the NFL.
It is I, their chronicler, who alone can tell thee of their saga.
Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!
BY THE GODS, MEN AND WOMEN OF THE WEBZONE. We once won, so goddamn much, that they called us Camelot. WE WEREN'T A TEAM ANYMORE. WE WERE A MYTH OF EPIC AWESOMENESS. SO MANY DAMN CELEBRITIES LOVED US IT WAS EMBARRASSING. HELL WE WON SO DAMN MUCH THEY PUT IN A SALARY CAP TO STOP US AND THEN WE GOT THE FIRST CAP GUY AND STILLLLLLLL WON.....and then paid heavily for it. BUT WE STILL f**kING WON. I MEAN WE SINGLE-HANDEDLY STOPPED THE TYRANNY OF THE COWBOYS....TWICE!
SO MANY PLAYERS LOVE US IT IS EQUALLY EMBARRASSING: FROM ROGERS TO BRADY. THEY ALL. ALL OF THOSE f**kERS, LOVED, US. Well not you or me, but the NINERS.
WE HAD BILL WALSH:
WE HAD THE f**kING "Genius":
HAHA, that's f**king Joe Walsh. DOPE SONG, doe. BACK TO WORK.
WE HAD GEORGE SEIFERT:
WE HAD JOE COOL:
WE HAD STEVE YOUNG, TOO:
WE HAD DWIGHT CLARK:
WE HAD RONNIE LOTT:
WE HAD ROGER CRAIG:
WE HAD TOM RATHMAN:
WE HAD JOHN TAYLOR--THIS DUDE IS SSOOOOOOOOO UNDERAPPRECIATED:
WE HAD JERRY RICE AND YES, THOUGH MANY TRY TO FORGET, WE HAD DEION, TOO!
CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE HOW NASTY PRACTICE WAS WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER?
WE HAD CHARLES HALEY:
WE HAD BOLDIN. WE HAD T.O. WE HAD HEARST. WE HAD CHARLIE GARDNER. WE HAD BOW and P-WILLY. WE HAD A TANK. AND HONEST TO GOD, HE WAS A MIAMI TANK. WE HAD SO MANY f**kING PLAYERS THAT, frankly, THERE ARE TOO MANY TO NAME. THAT IS DYNASTIC EXCELLENCE:
WE HAD ERRRRRYYYYBOOOOOOOOODDDDDDYYYYY! AND WE USED TO BEAT EVERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBBBBBBBBOOOOOOODDDDDYYYYYY!
NAME THEM. GO AHEAD. TELL ME WHO WAS BETTER? WE BEAT EVERYONE OF THE "GREAT PLAYERS" AND TEAMS DURING OUR TIME.
WE ARE f**kING ROCKY BALBOA, GODDAMNIT!
You know, friends, I am a man in my 40s now. The last time we won a Super Bowl, I was a teen. But I feel as if I need to take it upon myself to talk to the youth in our fan base and say this:
No, I ain't what I used to be kid; and yeah, me, I am closer to my end on this forum than my beginning; and my friends here, we are the past hanging on for a moment, to again, be on the mountaintop--just like when we were you, young, free, and so sure of our excellence. But the truth is that this championship, this return to glory, this is for you, me. and all of us. It is hard as f**k out there, people are dying, COVID or not, people are hungry and poor, wars still rage, and fires of despair still burn, but I for one want to see you rise to retake the mantle that belongs to your generation, and the generations to come, including my daughter's. I want to see for a moment, you in the sun.
The truth about life is that we are all on the stage; sometimes, we are delivering the monologue; other times, we are training our replacements in the world to go on and deliver theirs; and, yet at others, we sit in the crowd watching, smiling, and nodding, knowing full well that our time in the theater is drawing to a close. The world is always in motion, always going forward, always evolving, always changing, and always moving. We will fail. We will struggle, but Walsh willing, we will be back on top.
All I really want is for us all to come home. Put down the pitchforks, lay down the slights, put away the angst, dispel the hatred, end the stupidness of bigotry, be rid the confusion of conspiracy, and just come home. I am not sure if winning will help, but I want you to know that even if we don't agree, I sure want to see the view with you from the mountaintop. And then when it is all said and done, we pass the legacy to another generation to carry forward.
Prediction: 15-2, one loss against the Hawks, one against someone unexpected, the Bears. We secure home field, we defeat the Bucs in the NFC Title Game and we demolish the Ravens in the Super Bowl exorcising a ghost from our past. Two years later, in 2024, we do it to the Chiefs.
It will be glorious.
I am Fropwns.
[ Edited by fropwns on Sep 6, 2021 at 8:46 PM ]
